I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
