he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
