Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
