Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sarcasm needs its own font
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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