I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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