look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
