i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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