I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
