you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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