The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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