life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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