she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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