I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
PANTIES FOUND
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
