It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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