I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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