Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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