Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
