Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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