living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
