I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
