I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
