There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
