so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I look better un-naked...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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