Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize