what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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