Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
