i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize