Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This baby is an asshole
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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