so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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