Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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