You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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