well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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