You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
