Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
