recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
