I think I died a long time ago.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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