legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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