I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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