got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
