i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
