To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
not ubering you a puppy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
