also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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