So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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