My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will be naked everywhere
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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