i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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