did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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