I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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