No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
