Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
