You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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