Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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