Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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