Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
