i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
