i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
