I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
