Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
