im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
