Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
