I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
