Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
