I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
