Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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