Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
