Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
