Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize